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When I was dating I remember constantly being smothered with that one giant question. To magically stumble upon “The One” like finding the gold at the end of a rainbow that is being carried by a unicorn with leprechaun jockey.

But how are you supposed to know which one is the right one?

It’s a beautiful gift and at the same time a hard gift.

I don’t want to pretend to understand it except by proxy because my time of singleness was short-lived.

However, for many of us, our fallback communication plan will be the one our parents laid out for us.

Holidays, especially, are giving you a glimpse into how your partner has been taught and trained. Sit up and take notes, because believe me, you’ll want to feel prepared for the test that comes later. Do they love from their insecurities or do they love from their strengths?

Does this thought excite you or does it make you feel like you just digested a can of the aforementioned Play-Doh? And you need to have your own identity beyond your spouse. If you can just get your hair, abs, complexion, and clothes just right, then “The One” will scamper to you like a squirrel to a nut factory. Sure, appearance might catch someone’s eye, but it’s personality, values, faith, heart and those other intangible things that’s going to make them stay. We all have values that direct us and help us make decisions—those beliefs that are fundamental to how you are wired, guiding your actions, thoughts, plans and purpose on this earth.

As a single woman, you’re submitting to your pastor as of spiritual importance and probably your father out of honor.And if you don’t know your values, how can you expect your partner to have a clue? Two people who are following Christ can still have some different core values that tangibly direct their decisions.For example, you could have a high value for responsibility and the person you’re dating could have a high value for risk.PAUL ANGONE Paul Angone is passionate about helping people find their Signature Sauce.He is a national speaker, the creator of All Groan Up.com, and the author of All Groan Up and 101 Secrets For Your Twenties.

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